


[ 11:11 ]

by sxlmate



Series: loonatheangst [2]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: 2jin - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/F, Letters, Loona - Freeform, Love Letters, Moving On, POV First Person, Post-Break Up, Smoking, Stream Around You!, written from experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sxlmate/pseuds/sxlmate
Summary: "Should I remorse over what's decayed or should I rejoice in the flowers she's helped grow?"Or Hyunjin used to ask what was the use of making a wish at 11:11, she always deemed it childish to do so. That was Hyunjin's mindset until Heejin came, the shorter always made the taller make a wish together.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Series: loonatheangst [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015900
Kudos: 8





	1. To Heejin, Let's Make A Wish.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It isn't bad to reflect on your past actions, you can always learn to improve from everything you've gone though. It's what'll make you stronger and better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a gfriend fic (that's still up on aff) but i decided to transform it into a 2jin bcs why not? i just figured it suited them better,, kinda? anyway, i added in some other drabbles i've written after, so that's a lil sumthn
> 
> i didn't proofread so if there's mistakes, forgive me ㅠㅠ
> 
> !! in the point of view of hyunjin !!
> 
> also here's a playlist i made with the fic's vibes! you don't have to listen to it as you read, it's a short fic anyway https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ticjibBH9g3Cvn9DVc1FI
> 
> twt ; sxlmate

"Just stay with me" I said.

You asked, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure" I replied, quite sternly.

With that, you promised,

"Okay, I'll stay."

The whole world seemed to stop when the clock said 11:11. No matter where we were when that clock ticked at that magical time, we'd put everything on hold just to make one wish.

When caught off guard, I wouldn't wish for anything. Just because I was content with what I had at the time. Most of the time, I would wish for something simple like your happiness.

I'm not sure if making a wish at that specific time ever did something, but it's nice to feel like we can wish something into reality, isn't it? Our lives can be chaotic. So when that time comes, it feels like we can have some sort of control over it.

Here I am, kneeling on a soft cushion in this spacious church. The people are all in complete silence, praying to their heart's content. Coming here wasn't my intention. I wasn't the religious type at all, but here I am praying for one thing.

And it's _you._

✧

When you need them the most is when they let go. The moment when you need a supporting figure in tough situations is when they are unavailable. When the world seems suffocating, there isn't someone to reassure you that everything's fine.

I wonder why the world works that way.

It only leaves me in this world that used to be ours. The world that used to have vibrant colors scattered around every view. It only grew monotonous, with every heartache, more color seeped out and left an eerie feel to its surroundings.

With every mistake came more fear. Fear that was larger than any man made building in the world. Fear that could easily consume me and leave me isolated with my dark thoughts. Fear that will stop me from pursuing my ambitions, my dreams, my life.

We just kept missing each other like that. It means we weren't meant to be. If I had been warned before hand, I would still come chasing right after you. You had and will always have this effect on me. No matter how hard I push it all away, it'll come back stronger than before.

I shouldn't be feeling this way. I feel like I'm losing you and the mere thought of it scares me to death. It just sucks I have to face this on my own.

Nothing more, nothing less. A perfect way to describe our relationship, or should I say, lack of one. It's more platonic than romantic. Friends are friends. No friends to lovers. This isn't some chapter in a story I can edit. It's just how life works.

If it stays this way, then so be it. Who am I to manipulate how the world was made for us two? If the universe made this all up, then we should obey how it is. But I know for a fact, we were meant to meet, not meant to be.

The unwillingness of letting go.

It's a weird feeling, letting go. 'Cause before, we were excitedly planning our life together. Now that you're gone, along with your feelings, it's all blank. What's next? What's going to happen? Was it the right choice?

And honestly, I don't know either.

✧

It was my mistake of growing quite fond of you and your antics. It was my choice to accept and pursue my feelings towards you. It was my mistake to keep hoping for our sparks to be lit up again when it was destined to die off. My emotions led me to those choices.

Seeing you fancy another was a horrible sensation. I heard the man's name more with yours than mine. It became overwhelming as I grew self-conscious. But of course, a crush is a crush. Those do die off, right? But as they said, infatuation is the first step towards love.

As I said before, I was highly self-conscious whenever I learned you had taken interest in a guy when we were together. I expected you to see that, but I guess I looked too highly of you. But what irks my curiosity is: Why'd you even take interest in them?

I cared a lot about how you think of me. Maybe I got threatened over the fact that you were the only person that made me feel like I actually mattered in the world, and suddenly having your attention drift away from me to someone else just took a toll on me.

If your heart longs for another, I'll go away so I won't be a bother. We've gone our separate ways, but my love for you remains the same. Although it's a pain, it's just better off this way. I've grown to accept this unending torture because I know you'll become better than ever.

It just stings to see how you treat me so differently.

I realize that no one's ever talked badly of you. If there was, I probably would've beaten them up. But I wonder how it feels when practically everyone praises you. You have very little flaws and everyone likes you for that, while I'm just me.

The tension and thick atmosphere when we were placed in the same room together didn't go unnoticed by the people around us. Not wanting to spare any of our time to those nosy people, I had acted that things were going smooth when in fact it wasn't.

Despite every flaw in our relationship, I'm still grateful for it. Love isn't easy and will never will be. You were simply a difficult lecture that I had to pull all nighters for just to understand even a fraction of.

I'm still at rock bottom from fully comprehending our wide set of emotions. Humans are already weird enough, but the human brain can hold an ocean's worth of secrets.

✧

The rainy weather reminds me of you. The cold air would always make me miss the warm hugs you used to give. The clouded skies made me remember how soft you were. I reach out the window, raindrops landing on my hand.

Cold, just like how you acted during the difficult times.

The rainy weather I used to love. I would always wait for the day the clouds would gather to make small drops of water fall from above. now that it's raining, I'm filled with dread as it's too loud for my ears. my eyes shut, hands covering my ears.

Too loud. Go away. You're too much.

The rainy weather I'll never escape. Clouds gather every now and then, from soft rain showers to loud thunder storms, it's still rain. It's still you, but I don't recognize you. You look the same, but the feelings changed.

I reach out once again. _Drop_. It's still cold, so very cold.

I stand outside in this rainy weather I now accept. I stand here drenched, looking up above. It's all a blur, the water flowing out of my eyes. Is it my tears or the rain water? Does it even matter? I scream my heart out. Why did you have to go?

Heejin, come back. It hurts. Too much.

You asked which option was for the better, and I immediately answered the latter. I don't want to be selfish, even though its naturally who I am as a person, but I want you to be happy. Now I ask of you, what would you have chosen, the other or the same choice as me?

How long are we going to play? It's growing a bit tiring. Are you even going to stay? I don't want to keep on trying.

My moon, My stars, My galaxy. So high, so far. I can't reach you up above. Your sun, Your clouds, Your sky. So blinding, yet so beautiful. Spare me another glance.

✧

I keep on thinking of possibilities and risks, and then I keep going back to the past. reminiscing on what was once something beautiful in my eyes. I've come to reflect and correct my past mistakes, but even I know that history can repeat itself.

Leaning over the railing, I watch over the city. Its lights enhancing the city's beauty. The wind blowing softly, the wild animals wandering around.

Puffing out small smoke clouds. My thoughts beginning to consume me into the dark void once again.

I guess it's better to fill my lungs with toxic smoke than being flooded with your flowery lies. The ashes from my cigarette fall along with my heart.

I only cared for what was shown, never dared to know what was hidden. I should learn to respect myself more, but where was my respect in the first place? I'm absolutely smitten for you. If only you knew.

It's always you. I don't even understand. when I look at someone else, I always think of you. When I talk to someone else, I talk about you. When I go out with someone else, I look for you. when I'm alone, I debate whether to talk to you.

In short, I love you. I really do.

It's frustrating. It's so easy to talk all about you, yet so difficult to mutter a single word in front of you. It's easy to miss all your touches and warmth, but it's terrifying to even approach you. It's easy to like you. But to love you, it's a suicide mission.

I miss the comfortable vibe you used to exude, now you reek of discomfort.

Here I am, slowly suffering. I once asked to be killed slowly. now, I beg of you to do it quickly. If you are the cause of my demise, hit me where it'll end me on the spot.

I was never enough, was I? It's always me that ruins something special between us. It sucks that we never had that proper closure, or maybe it's just me that yearns for it. i want to know the answers. I want to know why. Why you let go.

I pull out my phone, notifications from my friends immediately flooding the screen.

It feels degrading to seek help from others when I breakdown. It's mostly my pride denying any form of help to keep this _I'm strong and I can't be broken_ persona of mine. My pride crumbles down when it's too much, and I end up messaging someone I shouldn't.

Even if it's someone I told myself to distance from, I still find comfort in you. We're a hundred numbers away from each other, yet I still long for your warm words and calming scent. Have I truly made myself that vulnerable towards you?

But those messages didn't matter, the time stuck out more 11:11, time to make a wish.

I just need you, but you're far away. It's okay. I'll manage like I always do.

My hands clasp together, my eyes shut tight. my breath hitched. for a second, everything felt numb. the world had its color, the world had its comforting sounds back.

As soon as I opened my eyes, the harsh reality had hit me.

"What'd you wish for?" A painfully familiar voice questioned. I turn to confirm if it was the person in my mind. The world had truly stopped.

"I-i wished for you to come back."

The time ticked 11:12.

And with that, you vanished.

A hallucination of what once made my world have meaning.


	2. To Heejin, I've Come To Accept.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyunjin learns to finally move on. She writes one last letter to Heejin, a short but bittersweet one.

When I used to like you, it felt weird. It wasn't something I encountered everyday. I knew what it was. I knew it was infatuation, but I didn't know what to do. It was all sparks and millions of butterflies in my stomach. I eventually got used it.

Having crushes are something everyone has once in their life. You can't really avoid it. I once thought I'd be able to avoid it, but no, I easily fell for someone like you. To be honest, it was scary. Feelings are scary in general, you know? But it felt nice.

As I said before, it was simple infatuation. I didn't expect you to accept my confession, but it still hurt. It left a stinging pain in my chest, and yet I said I should move on.

Proud to say I don't get the typical butterflies in my stomach whenever you reply. I don't have to reply fast, I can take my time. You're busy, and I am too. We still care for each other. What else is there to say? None. And I hope it stays that way.

Everyday, my feelings for you keep on fading. The times where I suddenly reminisce on what was then, I realize how incredibly smitten I was for you. The things I did for you were extremely humiliating and degrading. It's baffling how much I liked you then.

I was hesitant to let go of you, scared that you'll disappear without a trace. Although I'm still scared that you'll go, it isn't that bad anymore. I guess they were right when they told me to trust the process. Forgive all the childish actions I have made, it wasn't right.

It's time fully accept it all. You're just one in seven billion people in the world. The earth still rotates around the galaxy. Time still continues, never stopping for anyone. My heart still beats, just not for you.

Gone are the days where I'd wake up to your "good morning!!" messages.

Missing the days where you'd be there 24/7.

Reminiscing about the days we'd hold hands and softly talk.

In short I just miss you, but I can't love you like before.

I merely miss the feeling.


End file.
